The Top 10 Proven Ways to NOT Make Money Online!
This is my take on how to NOT make money online. All the techniques mentioned below are proven to NOT make you any money online. I personally guarantee that you will not make a single dollar using these methods.
1) It is all about luck. So spend most of your budget on astrology, numerology and witchcraft. Do NOT learn any new skills. All that mumbo-jumbo analytics stuff can give you brain cancer – so stay away from it all costs.
2) Give up if something does not produce instantaneous results. We live in a world of instant gratification. So if anything fails to produce results immediately, get rid of it as soon as possible. If it did not work, it just means that you are not astrologically compatible with this particular project. Go get a psychic reading on which precious stones will help you to attract the right kind of project.
3) Be boring. People are receiving so much entertainment that they have become de-sensitized to it. So you cannot win them over by being interesting, unique and original. You will have to bore them into submission. If you can be sufficiently boring, people will perceive you to be super knowledgeable and intelligent.
Learn from the experts – Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi were all extremely boring and people thought that they were great thinkers. Just being mildly boring is not going to cut it in today’s highly competitive environment. Set very high standards for yourself. Aim to be so platitudinous and bromidic and plebeian that your website should be prescribed as a cure for insomnia.
4) Just follow the money. Do not even think of loving what you do! That is a ridiculous idea – how can anybody love their job? Look at Michael Jordan, Kobe and Lebron James for example – they all are amazing at basketball but obviously, they hate it a lot! Mozart hated music; Pythagoras had a deep loathing for all things triangular. Just pick something that you are no good at.
5) Get rich quick schemes work! So invest all you have in them. If one does not work – get a psychic reading and chase the next one. There are only so many get-rich-quick schemes in the world. One of them is definitely meant for you – it is your destiny! Do not think of researching a program or product before buying it or becoming a part of it. Your precious stone will take care of all the research.
6) Do not take too much action as it will exhaust you. If you come across a good video or webpage that gives you good advice, just ignore it. It will provoke you to act.
WARNING: If you start implementing sound information, it can result in generation of money. This is extremely dangerous as money has been proven to be the root of all evil. Satan will invade your life if you allow your life to be poisoned by green notes. He will make sure that you and all your future generations burn in hell! Hence, a much safer alternative is to troll in the comments section. Distract people from the dangerous content and engage them in meaningless conversations. Feel free to curse the evil money lovers!
7) Always choose a niche that has no market. Why to waste your energy in a competitive niche? There are so many untapped niches which can benefit from your lack of expertise.
A friend of mine made NO MONEY AT ALL by trying to sell warm clothing for ants. He even had a kids section for the baby ants. He had no experience, no marketing skills and he did not even like ants that much. His recipe for success at NOT making money is unbeatable!
8) Do not create a brand. This will hurt your attempts at being boring. Just be bland and mediocre. Look at all the big names like BMW, Apple etc. These companies spend billions on branding and all of them make a LOT of money. If people don’t recognize you, they won’t buy from you. Perfect!
9) Do not create a list. Subscribers (AKA – your email list) are obnoxious people who are addicted to your niche. These people send emails and ask a ton of questions – this can give you a severe headache. Beware of list subscribers that want to buy your products at all costs!
10) All this hype about social media is utter nonsense! Social media is good only for dating. Use facebook marketing, twitter, Linkedin etc. to message attractive people. If they don’t respond, no problem – you can play Angry Birds and kill those damn pigs!
Do these things, and you’ll be on a fast track to failure in no time!
On the OTHER hand – if you want to find out what REALLY works, subscribe to my website and come back tomorrow for my blog post titled:
The Most Fool Proof, 100% Proven Way To Make Money Online (going live on July 1st, 2015)